If I Didn't Have You
by Typo Goblin
Summary: A story story featuring Hawkeye and Mustang about the tensions of love and war.


_…drip…._

_ Drip…drip….._

_ Drip….._

"I can't do this anymore!" She cried, abruptly sitting up in bed. The sheets slipped down to pool in her lap, leaving her covered in nothing but the broken slants of moon light that streaked through the blinds. Her blond hair fell over her shoulders, covering her breasts slightly until she ran her fingers through it, pushing it to fall over her back. Abruptly, she pulled up the sheet to cover herself.

The man beside her sat up. His black hair was tussled from sleep and his dark eyes tried to groggily focus on her. He was lacking clothing as well, but did nothing to hide his bare chest from her. The defined lines of his chest cast sharp shadows against his skin.

"What's the matter?" He asked, encircling her in his arms and resting his chin against the top of her head. Her hands hit his chest with a dull slap and, fingers splayed wide and pushed herself out of his embrace.

"Roy, I can't do this!" She said solidly. She slipped quickly from the bed when he tried to reach for her again, pulling on a shirt that had been discarded on the floor the night before. Weither it was hers or his, she didn't care, she just couldn't stand there exposed to him anymore.

"It's a little late to be changing your mind. We already did it." He said, a little bit confused and not fully awake yet.

"Not the sex!" She said with an annoyed huff. "This, all of it. Pretending we're normal. Sleeping in the same bed. Waking up in the morning and enjoying breakfast together." She looked at the vase on the bedside table. The floors in it gave off a lovely fragrance, a mellow smell that should have been calming. With a sweep of her hand, they went crashing to the floor. Water spread over the floor boards, the flowers resting amid fallen petals and broken glass.

"How long until it all falls apart around our ears, Roy? We're soldiers, in the middle of a war. A war that we created. Look at us." She said, sweeping her arm around the room. "A peaceful house with flowers and china on the table. A leaky faucet for Heaven's sake!"

He slid to the edge of the bed and rested his feet on the floor. He reached out and captured her wrist, drawing her closer to him until she was standing between his legs. "I don't think I've ever told you," He began as he slid his arms around her and rested his cheek against her stomach. "How amazingly beautiful you look when you wear my shirt like that." He gave a small chuckle. "With the buttons done up crooked."

"Roy," She said, her voice tortured. She wanted to push him away but her body wouldn't respond.

"It's true. Everything you say is true. This all could end in a second, but doesn't that mean that we should go for it all the harder? Shouldn't we enjoy it while we can, just in case something does happen? Don't you trust me?" He asked, looking up at her. He tugged at her arm gently so she leaned down to kiss him. His dark eyes met hers and the worry he saw in the soft brown of her gaze tore at him. "I told you, from the moment I met you, I would protect you."

"That's my job, Colonel." She said softly. Was she teasing him? "Besides, that's a little selfish isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" He asked with a frown.

"Well, say you succeed in protecting me. What if you die in the process? That leaves me all alone, with no purpose in life." She pointed out. "I don't know if I can live with that. We've spent so long protecting each other, supporting each other." Her hand moved to rest against his cheek. The evidence of his lack of shaving rubbed against the soft skin of her palm. "What are you without me, and what am I without you?"

He smiled slightly and laughed. It grew louder as he fell back against the bed, arms thrown up. Riza frowned and tried to back away but his legs circled hers, preventing it. He looked up at her, smiling, the laughter still sparkling in his eyes. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at all of this. You're so worried, and I can understand it, but I don't like it."

Sitting up again, he slid his arms around her and quickly laid back on the bed. With a gasp of surprise, she fell over him, her arms folded between them so that her hands rested on his chest. "All of this was never to upset you. I would never do that." He promised her. "It was to make you happy. To make me happy. All of this war and strife around us. Don't we deserve a little bit of happiness too? You make me happy, Riza. So happy that even if you wanted to leave I don't think I could let you go."

He thought for a moment then turned them onto their sides. Brushing her hair behind her ear, he looked down at her. He kissed her forehead lightly, then the tip of her nose before gently taking her mouth. Pulling away again, his just stared down at her for a few moments.

"This is all worth it, and I have proof."

She raised an eye brow, looking up at him.

"Gracia." He said simply.

Her frown deepened and her eyes grew dark with a remembered sadness.

"Hughes died!" She pointed out, trying to sit up and away from him. "Her husband, the man she loved died!"

"I know." He said, the sadness of remembering his old friend not lost on him either. "But what does she do whenever we see her?"

"I don't know Roy…what does she do?"

"She smiles." He informed her. "You know why?" Since she guessed it was a rhetorical question, she remained silent. "Because, just like us there was a chance that something might happen. Despite that, they lived every moment to the fullest. They loved and laughed, they created a beautiful little girl. Because of those memories, even though she has to wake up knowing that Hughes is gone, she can smile. They had a wonderful life together and those memories will last her until they're together again. Should we not follow in their example? Don't we owe it Hughes to learn from his legacy? Who loved life more than him?" He asked with a smile.

She leaned in to kiss him again, a deep and passionate kiss that suggested to him he might have said all the right words. When she pulled away, his heart ached at the sight of tears in her eyes.

"You're right." She said softly, brown eyes meeting his gaze. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I doubted. You're absolutely right."

"Don't be sorry. I have the same fears. I worry every time we walk out that door that I'm going to lose you. We have a long way to go and more hardships to endure before all of this will end. But because of all of that, I love you all the more when we're here. Our own little sanctuary. I know that the military would frown, well more like punish us for this, but it has always been a risk we've been willing to take. Because, in the end, if it all goes wrong, this is what we'll have to comfort us if we don't have each other."

He rolled them so that he was on top of her. His hand slid under the shirt to caress her smooth skin, tickling her sides unintentionally with his light touch, bringing a smile to her face.

"I love you, I've always loved you and I always will. No matter what happens you can trust that. And you can trust all of the memories that we've made together, good and bad. I know that you deserve more than me, and more than this, but you've always been by my side and now I don't have the strength to let you go. If you aren't with me I couldn't tie my own shoes let alone get up and continue this war."

With a laugh, she slid her fingers through his short cropped black hair. "Yes sir, you are pretty pathetic like that." Her fingers came to rest on the back of his neck, pulling him down to kiss him desperately.

"Do you feel better now?" He asked, kissing first one eyelid, then the other ever so gently.

Her leg wrapped around him, pulling his body flush against hers. "Not yet, but I will." She promised with a sly smile.

He laughed, leaning down to kiss and tease the sensitive skin of her neck. "What would I do without you?"


End file.
